🎨 Happiness - Do You Want to Catch It or Just Keep Chasing It?

At a glance:

• What does it mean to be happy?
• Hear my story of going from a happiness chaser to a truly happy person.
• Easy exercises to help you start your friendship with happiness.

Happiness - how do you define it? People might say there is no one right definition of happiness. I disagree. I think the definition is the same for everyone. It's just that different people define the path to happiness in various ways. But the definition remains the same - it is a state of being happy, and being happy means feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. Here lies a tricky question - what is pleasure or contentment? The way to achieve these can vary significantly from one person to another.

So, what can give us happiness? How can we become happy? Some people might say money, career, power; others might say family, friends, relationships, freedom. But are any of those true? Isn’t happiness more about the ability to appreciate what we have rather than keep chasing dreams and goals? Shouldn’t we focus on how to change our mindset and approach to life to let ourselves feel happy and content with our lives? This is what I believe in, and I'm going to share my story with you today.

My Story:

I used to be a highly overambitious person, who had to be the best in everything she did. Second place was seen as a failure. Every mistake lingered in my mind for a very long time. I dwelled on why I made it, why I hadn’t prevented it. It used to take me days or weeks to move on. Sometimes, something would remind me about it after a long time, and I would be upset again. All of this was linked to my plan on how to become happy and what needed to happen for me to reach my destination called happiness.

But I realized this was pointless… I couldn’t keep chasing 'things' that were supposed to make me happy one day. Happiness is about state - being happy is important, not achieving it at some point in the future.

I worked a lot to shift my mindset and to understand what would help me achieve my state of happiness. I read many books, listened to many podcasts, and undertook many self-discovery exercises on that journey. But in the end, I can summarize my philosophy into 10 life rules that I now follow to ensure I keep my happiness every day:

Rule 1: Happiness cannot be achieved with things. It is a state of your mind. You have to work hard to explore it and allow yourself to be happy.

Rule 2: Once you allow yourself to be happy, you need to help your mind by building a supporting system for your happiness. This means finding ways to appreciate your life or embarking on a journey to make changes in the areas you want to improve.

Rule 3: Happiness comes from small daily things. It can be a beautiful morning, a nice conversation, a beloved dog, or a delicious meal. Learn to spot those things.

Rule 4: Happiness can’t be conditioned or dependent on other people. If it is, it’s because you’ve let others impact your happiness - you have to learn how to change that relationship or sometimes let go of some people.

Rule 5: Passion, a healthy mind, and a life with boundaries strengthen your happy state. Cultivate these daily to keep being happy.

Rule 6: Invest in experiences, not things. Spend money to create unforgettable memories and to feel things rather than own them. Especially, exploring new ideas can bring a lot of positivity into your life.

Rule 7: Care for meaningful relationships but stay away from energy vampires and people who aim to take advantage of you. Give in relationships, but don’t expect to get back the same from that person. What you give will come back to you, but not necessarily from the same person you gave it to.

Rule 8: Cultivate gratitude and kindness, especially towards yourself. Appreciate your efforts, celebrate successes, and congratulate yourself daily. Do the same towards others.

Rule 9: Don’t let yourself worry about things you have no impact on. Audit your environment and your life to eliminate sources of negative emotions that steal your happy moments.

Rule 10: Cultivate positive thinking and belief in yourself. If you dream, dream big and start realizing your dreams step by step, day by day. If you do it with passion, it’s going to be a happy lifetime journey full of satisfaction and great moments.

I’ve explored my happiness and found a new passion in life by changing my mindset. Implementing many small habits and training my mind to apply different patterns helped me get where I am now - happy, stress-free, and enjoying each day full of passionate things that I do.

Your Turn:

Use the below simple exercise to discover how you can quickly bring back some happy moments to your life.

Discovering Your ‘Happy Me’

Step 1: Preparation - Grab a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. Label the left side "Happy Me."

Step 2: Reflect on the past - Close your eyes and think of a time when you were genuinely happy. It could be a recent memory or maybe something from your childhood.

Step 3: Record your memories - On the left side, write down everything about that happy period - what you did daily, who you spent time with, how you felt, what was around you, what you were eating and drinking. The more details, the better.

Step 4: Assess your current state - Now, on the right side, describe your current life - your daily routine, your life focus and hobbies, things you invest your time in, people you spend time with, your feelings, and thoughts.

Step 5: Compare and reflect - Look at both sides. Identify what made you happy then and what's missing now. Define the ‘gap’.

Step 6: Find one thing - Think of one thing from your "Happy Me" side that you can reintroduce into your life to spark joy in the short term. Then work on the long-term approach to bring more and more such things.

This exercise, grounded in self-reflection and comparison, can help you pinpoint elements of happiness missing in your current life and take steps to reintroduce them.

I want to also encourage you to build simple daily routines that will help you cultivate your happy mind and strengthen your positive thinking.

Happy Habits:

• Daily Journaling: Spend 3 minutes each morning to write down things you are grateful for and why you are proud of yourself.
  • Practical tip: Don't feel like writing? Use a priming exercise and visualize your perfect life, your goals, your success. Here is Dickie Bush's approach to Tony Robbins' priming exercise that I found very interesting:
  • Start by visualizing 3 things you are grateful for with the following lens:
• Something you have now that you would have begged to have had years ago.
• Think of something you possess today you would beg to have back in 50 years.
• Something you have now that you would beg to have back if you were sick or injured.
• Spot Your Achievements: Spend 3 minutes each evening making a note of 3 things you achieved that day. It can be anything from finishing a project to cleaning up a drawer or going for a great walk. You do great things that are good for you - so make sure you recognize them.
• Celebration Rituals: Create your celebration rituals to appreciate each success! Tailor them to suit various occasions: small, medium, large - allowing you to celebrate even seemingly minor achievements like 'eating a morning frog'.

All of the above helps build self-confidence and self-value, forming the base for you to see how many great things you do daily and how great your life is.

Bonus tip: Do one good thing for others each day without expecting anything in return. It can be anything from paying for the next person's coffee in the queue to helping older people carry groceries.

Closing Remarks:

If you want to be happy, first of all, let yourself. Accept imperfections, discover passions and sources of positive emotions, and maximize them. Then, build a simple system to keep those emotions flowing.

My recipe for being happy? Fix your mindset! Think positive and appreciate small things. Don’t get locked in a crazy approach of chasing things that will make you happy, only to discover one day that they won’t.

Let me end with an inspiring quote from Aristotle: “Happiness depends upon ourselves”.