🎨 Other People’s Opinions - How much do you value them?

The question "What will people say?" often limits us significantly. We fear being judged and believe everyone will criticize us, using terms like "everyone" and "nobody" to generalize or project our fears onto others. However, this isn't about ignoring helpful feedback but rather about the unconstructive criticism and judgments we receive without any attempt from others to understand us. Such negative feedback stops us from pursuing our plans or fills us with doubt, preventing us from taking actions on things that matter to us, making bold decisions, and learning from new experiences.

On the other hand, I believe we all judge and form opinions without full knowledge, affecting not only how we view others but also our own decisions

My Story:

On a sunny Sunday, with a promising weather forecast for the upcoming Easter weekend, I decided to clean the terrace at my family home, preparing for the year's first barbecue. It was the perfect day for it, with no other plans and unlikely similar conditions during the workweek.

When I mentioned my plan to my mother, her immediate concern was "Today!? What will other people think about you cleaning the terrace on Sunday?" I had never considered what others might think about such a mundane activity, but for her, it was a primary concern.

This made me reflect on our fear of others' judgments. Despite considering myself confident and believing in my actions, this was a reminder of how deeply others' opinions can affect us, even in trivial matters. However, through self-work, building self-esteem, and establishing boundaries, I've learned to question the significance of others' disapproval, often finding that their opinions don't materially impact my life.

Your Turn:

If you find yourself hindered by others' opinions or delaying changes in your life due to fear of judgment, consider exploring Martha Beck's approach to identifying "Your Everybody Committee" and creating the "Right Everybody Committee."

"Your Everybody Committee":

Step 1: Complete each of the following sentences. Don’t overthink it, just write the first thing that pops into your mind.

"Everyone wants me to ___________________________."

"Everyone thinks I'm ___________________________."

"Everyone expects me to ___________________________."

"Everyone's always telling me ___________________________."

Step 2: For each sentence, recall who has expressed such thoughts to you directly. Identify a real individual from your life.

You will likely identify between 1 to 6 people. Martha Beck refers to this group as “Your Everybody Committee” - the individuals whose opinions you've generalized and projected onto others.

Reflect on who has directly expressed such opinions in your life, likely identifying a small group whose views you've overgeneralized.

Martha Beck explains that the generalized other is often a magnification of a few judgmental people in our lives, allowing their negative impact to persist. Her method includes redefining this committee to support and uplift you.

How to appoint the Right Everybody Committee

Step 1: Identify people who are not supportive of you. Think about those who have criticized you or would judge you harshly for your secrets or desires. Remove these individuals from your support group.

Step 2: Pick a kind and loving person to lead your group. This could be someone you know, a character you admire, a pet that loves you, or a higher power that brings you joy.

Step 3: Expand your group by finding others who share similar positive connections. This could include relatives, fans of a favorite writer or artist, pet owners, or people with similar spiritual beliefs. You only need a few people to form a supportive group.

Step 4: Engage with your new group daily for 90 days. Spend time reading, watching content, using social media, or meeting in person with your group. This helps build a positive and supportive social network around you.

Closing remarks:

To tackle the weight of others' opinions, Martha Beck's strategy can help you discern which views to value and how to form a supportive committee. Embrace your decisions, take risks, and be bold, leading to greater satisfaction and happiness. Ultimately, you're responsible for your actions, freeing you from blaming others or relying on them for your success.