🎨 What does it mean to be friends with someone?

At a Glance:

• What makes a friendship meaningful?
• Letting go opens space for new connections.
• “Want to be my friend?” can change everything. 

Friendships, friends, people close to us – are there any DOs and DON’Ts? Should a friend always support you on your journey? What if they don’t? Are they still ‘friends’?

I’ve been thinking about the quality of my friendships recently. A lot.
Not without a reason.

Three things made me reflect on this...

There are so many great people around us!

I’ve met so many great people that I would love to become friends with.
Why?
Not only because they seem to be great people, but also because they support me and the things that are important to me.

I also became open to online friendships.
I ended up being in regular touch with a few people I met this year, yet haven’t seen in person.
Those friendships can be equally valuable, if only you are open to them and willing to cultivate them.

Friendships aren’t about giving with the intention of receiving back. But friends support each other; they don’t only take.

I try to do my best with people I care about and those whom I consider friends.
I support them and what they do. I help whenever I can. I initiate contact after not speaking for a long period.
Sometimes I get the same in return.
Sometimes not.

And it’s OK – you can’t give with the expectation of receiving back.

But I do believe you should do your best in supporting your friends and the things that are important to them!

Take a new business as an example.
Friends' and family support at the beginning is so crucial. It can mean the world, motivate you to keep going, and push you to achieve more.
But if it’s lacking... If the closest ones don’t support you, do they really believe in you? Do they think you can succeed?
This can be very demotivating.

I know this from experience.
It’s sad when people you consider friends don’t even bother to take small steps to show their support.
It’s sad when people you consider friends don’t even ask about things important to you.
It’s sad when people you considered friends can’t find 10 minutes to talk to you for months.

But this is life. People come and go. Relationships start and end. The end always makes space for new things in your life.

Learn to let people go. Some friendships are seasonal, and that’s OK.

I’ve had a few close friends whom I let go of over the past few years...
When I kept giving and giving, not seeing any interest in my life, it was a sign for me that it was no longer a meaningful relationship.

And that’s OK too.

We can’t stick to people just because we were friends in high school or for a few years.

So I learned to let people go and accept that our season had ended.

Friends differ.

Some come for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

• Seasonal friend – someone who enters your life as a welcome change but usually disappears after the 'season' ends.
• Reason friend – someone who shows up in your life for a reason, e.g., to help you learn something or grow.
• Lifetime friend – someone who stands by your side through the best and worst moments of your life, always loving and supporting you.

There’s also a popular tree analogy, where you can compare:

• Lifetime friends to the roots.
• Reason friends to the branches.
• Seasonal friends to the leaves.
  For some people, this analogy makes it easier to remember the concept.

I’ve had many seasonal friends. Some came just for a reason. And not so many lifetime ones (at least, not yet).
But that’s OK. Quality > Quantity.
Besides, I’m alive – I can still meet new lifetime friends.

So... I’m on my journey to build new meaningful friendships.
There are so many great people out there, and it’s all about finding them and being open to ask: “Would you like to be my friend?”.

This is a great thing I discovered (and already tested) while listening to the She Hustles podcast.

In it, Julie gives great and simple tips on how to cultivate your friendships. But most of all, she shared a simple solution for people who feel like they don’t have friends:

ASK SOMEONE IF THEY WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND.
It doesn’t hurt.
The worst thing that can happen is they say ‘no.’
But the best? You get a new lifetime friend.
Isn’t that worth the ‘risk’?

(I did, and I know I made a new great friend 😍, who will read this and know it’s about her.)

By the way – make sure you follow Julie on LinkedIn and listen to She Hustles. It’s a great podcast that showcases real people doing great things and following their passions.

Homework for Today

I wanted to invite you to reflect a bit on your friends and close ones.

List out your closest friends and/or family.

Reflect on each one of them:

1. What’s their current life focus? (work, business, personal life, hobbies, etc.)
2. Are you showing your support for what’s most important to them?
   • If yes, could you be even more supportive?
   • If no, ask yourself, ‘Why?’
3. Think about how they might feel not getting your support.
   • Is that something you want your closest ones to feel?

Take 3-5 people to start with. If you like it, extend your list.

What about the other way around – are your friends supporting you?
If not, you might want to try two things:

1. Ask them ‘Why?’ and openly ask for their support.
2. Open yourself to new friendships with people who are passionate about the same things and might be willing to support you.

You can even do what I did – ask someone if they want to be your friend.

If your reflections lead you to think about not having meaningful friends, make sure you try Julie’s tip.